realization to be realistic..

there was a lecturer..
who once told a story..
of she and her best friend..
eventhough they come from different races..
n of course different religion too..
they became friends since high school..
up until now they are still best friends..
and still kept in touch with each other..
and she said something like this..

"Be sincere in the relationship of friends that u have made,
and by that way the relationship will last longer and maybe forever,
even after marriage and having own personal life"

After a while..
these words suddenly made me realize of something..
something that have been missing..
something wrong with what I'm targeting..
something that should have be done from the beginning..
something that I must correct with my thinking..
and also feeling..

I've made up my mind..
I want to start again..
Start from the correct way of thinking..
Change the way I feel..
Just want to be real..

Can't find it..!! Can somebody tell me??

have you ever had a crush on somebody???
not juz a lame crush..
but a crush with the real deal..
how does it feel???

I juz want to know..
how does it feel...
to love and to be loved..
not love between families..
nor love between friends..
but love between lovers..
Is it real??

Coz lately..
these kind of things..
kept tangling in my mind..
tried to ignore it..
but sooner or later..
unconciously...
it will rise again...

tried to make it happen..
and somehow the plans goes well..
very well till it seems like a dream..
up until now..
tried to find it...
tried to feel it..
tried to have it..
but..
I still not found it..
It's nowhere..

suddenly I realized..
maybe diz was all really juz a dream..
or maybe the dream had turned into a nightmare..
which I really2 don't want to face..
not bcoz i'm scared..
it juz because they are real..
and I still can't find a way..
to overcome it..

but yet..
I believe..
there may be still a light of hopes..
which sooner or later..
will come and brighten me up..
showing me the way..
to end this properly..
when that time come..
I'll properly end it..

And for now..
let's juz go with the flow..
and the rythm of life..
since there's no more plan left..
and I'm also..
still thinking..
think..
think..
and think..