Thank you...

Here comes another new year...
With new expectations...
New dreams...
New glimmering hopes...
And new wishes...

But me...
no lies...
There's no new resolution..
Nor new determination...
There will be no expectations...
No new dreams...
And no new hopes...

Simply because...
I'm here to do what I am supposed to do...
I am standing here
not because of the future path lies ahead...
But I am here
because of the path that I've taken in the past...
And because of that...
I live in the present...
Not in the past...
Nor in the future...

So...
I will not say goodbye to you my dear past...
But I will say this...
Thank you 2009...
Thank you so much...

And welcome 2010...

zannennagara..

あらら。。

賭けに負けちゃった。

作戦が失敗しちゃったんだ。。

まだその日が来てないのに。。

残念だけど。。

まあいいか。。

gambling for a chance..

somebody said that life's all about gambling..
and becoz of that saying..
there will be something that i wanna try to gamble..
and that will be at the end of this weekend..
don't really care weather i win or lose the gamble..
juz wanna see wether the saying is true or not.. heh..

realization to be realistic..

there was a lecturer..
who once told a story..
of she and her best friend..
eventhough they come from different races..
n of course different religion too..
they became friends since high school..
up until now they are still best friends..
and still kept in touch with each other..
and she said something like this..

"Be sincere in the relationship of friends that u have made,
and by that way the relationship will last longer and maybe forever,
even after marriage and having own personal life"

After a while..
these words suddenly made me realize of something..
something that have been missing..
something wrong with what I'm targeting..
something that should have be done from the beginning..
something that I must correct with my thinking..
and also feeling..

I've made up my mind..
I want to start again..
Start from the correct way of thinking..
Change the way I feel..
Just want to be real..

Can't find it..!! Can somebody tell me??

have you ever had a crush on somebody???
not juz a lame crush..
but a crush with the real deal..
how does it feel???

I juz want to know..
how does it feel...
to love and to be loved..
not love between families..
nor love between friends..
but love between lovers..
Is it real??

Coz lately..
these kind of things..
kept tangling in my mind..
tried to ignore it..
but sooner or later..
unconciously...
it will rise again...

tried to make it happen..
and somehow the plans goes well..
very well till it seems like a dream..
up until now..
tried to find it...
tried to feel it..
tried to have it..
but..
I still not found it..
It's nowhere..

suddenly I realized..
maybe diz was all really juz a dream..
or maybe the dream had turned into a nightmare..
which I really2 don't want to face..
not bcoz i'm scared..
it juz because they are real..
and I still can't find a way..
to overcome it..

but yet..
I believe..
there may be still a light of hopes..
which sooner or later..
will come and brighten me up..
showing me the way..
to end this properly..
when that time come..
I'll properly end it..

And for now..
let's juz go with the flow..
and the rythm of life..
since there's no more plan left..
and I'm also..
still thinking..
think..
think..
and think..

zaman kita2 aje...

got diz post from a blog of a friend of mine..
enjot it kay~

"budak2 yg lahir pd thn 80/90an mesti ingat
mase skola rendah dulu:

- kat skola ade salesman jual buku
cerita.
ari ni bg list, esok mintak duit
beli walaupun cerita buku tu dah tau.
salesman susu pon camtu gak.

- kat library, budak2 mmg baca buku tp
just tengok gamba je.
bile ade program
Nilam, sebok semua nak pinjam buku.

- RMT kat skola mkn x best, tp yg
berduit pon join RMT, x phm....

- pakai pensel box yg bole bukak dpn
blkg, pastu ade sharpener kat tgh2 die.

- main lwn pemadam, syg nak guna utk
padam. padahal itu fungsi sbnr, utk padam!

- pakai pembaris yg bergerigi, kat dlm
ade air pastu ade bende berkilat dlm air tu.

- cikgu pakai pembaris kuning pjg.
Ade pemegang kat tgh2 tp x penah nmpk cikgu
pgg pon kat situ.

- bulu ayam jd ramping krn sering
dijadikan rotan.

- time pendidikan seni, lukis sume boleh
tp bile time kaler sume hampeh.
ade gak buat anyaman pakai kertas warna, kolaj
la, ape la...

- main game 2D.
super contra, super
mario, street fighter, sume pakai tape.

- jam tgn Boy London jd idaman, sbb bole
tuka2 kaler ikut suhu n cuaca.

- takut BCG tp lepas inject poyo la pulak...

- balik skola beli JoJo xpon Dendang.
Tora pon best gak.
Beli se mata2 nak mainan, coklat die x mkn pon.

- Kasut berlampu kat tapak, yg iklan die
kat tV bole tembak alien tu...

- Siri kartun; power rangers, ultraman,
transformers, ninja turtles,
Thundercats, maskman, Gaban dan mcm lg.

jgn lupe sume ni sbb zaman skrg budak2 x
smpt lyn bende2 ni.
kite akan sentiasa
berubah, cume asal-usul kite yg
permanent.
huhu~
ni la baru zaman kita kawan2

pas r kt member2 korang....
mesti diorg tersengeh2 bace mende nih...
hehehee.."

nande...??

shibaraku kokoni kaitei nai desune..
tonikaku, ima ha shiken chuu nanoni, chotto kaitai mono ga atte..
suguni kakou to omou..
ashita yarou baka yarou..

ima goro, nanka yokei na koto wo kangaete bakari da..
maaa..sonnani yokei jyanai kedo, tada sono koto wa ima no watashi ni mada2 kana..
boku wa nani wo shitemo, mada2 uketorenainda..
mada2 katenainda..ano hito no kimochi..
sorede, ano hito no kokoro ni mo...
todokenainda..
toki doki waseretai kimochi ga kanjiteru kedo..
mata au kikai ga arawarete, suguni naku nacchaunda..
doushitara iindesyouka..

boku wa tada jibun no jishin ni shinjiteru..
kono jibun no kangae wa hoka to chigatte..
so zutto omotterunda..

jissaini mada2 takusan koto ga atama no naka ni nokotterukedo..
ippai dakara chanto kakidasenai..
ima kore wo yonderu hito mo wakattenaishi..
kore ha tada ore no kimochi to kangae da..
sore dake da..

"doko he ittemo...
hito wa hitori da...
dakedo...
hitori dakara koso...
dareka wo..
aishite irunda.."
-Macross Frontier yori-

Begitu banyak persoalan bermain di minda???

Assalamualaikum...
Anda serabot?? resah?? x taw nk watpe??
Haa, kt sini ada beberapa persoalan yg mungkin selalu bermain-main di dalam kotak minda anda semua..
Jawapan kpd setiap persoalan itu ada terdapat di dalam kurungan di hujung setiap soalan..
Rajin-rajinkanlah diri cari jwpn2 tu ye..

1. Kenapalah aku diuji ek?? (Jawapan: Al-Ankabut ayat 2-3)
2. Kenapalah aku x dpt bnd yg aku nak?? (Jawapan: Al-Baqarah ayat 216)
3. Kenapalah berat sgt ujian kt aku ni?? (Jawapan: Al-Baqarah ayat 286)
4. 'Frust'nyeee!!! (Jawapan: Ali 'Imran ayat 139)
5. Macam mane r nk hadapi sumer ni??? (Jawapan: Al-Baqarah ayat 45)
6. Apa yg aku dpt pabila diuji ni??? (Jawapan: At-Taubah ayat 111)
7. Kpd sape r aku nk berharap ni??? (Jawapan: At-Taubah ayat 129)
8. Aaaarghhhh!! Gaman dekinaaaaiii~ [aku dh x tahaaann!!!] (Jawapan: Yusuf ayat 87)

Inilah sedikit sebanyak persoalan yg jwpnnya mmg dh termaktub kt dlm al-Quran tu..
Kita je yg malas nk cari..
byk lg jwpn2 yg boleh kita cari kt dalam al-Quran tu..
so, pasni rajin2 r baca al-Quran ek..
Jya, selamat membaca!!!

Mesej asal teks ini telah kuterima daripada seorang kawan..
yg kini sedang merantau menuntut ilmu di negeri org..
Terima kasih diucapkan...

mou ii kana...

mou ii kara..
yameta houga ii kana...
kanojyo mo kizuite inakute...
dou kana...

[kusut+serabot mode]

sibuk atau menyibuk??

anda pernah merasa sibuk??
saya pasti setiap org drpd kita pernah dan mungkin juga sdg mengalaminya..
lebih2 lagi di dlm konteks sbg seorg pelajar..
perasaan masa yg tidak mencukupi..
pelbagai perkara perlu dipenuhi..
hinggakan kadangkala terabai diri..

tp sedarkah kita..
pernahkah kita bertanya kepada diri sendiri..
aku ni betul2 sibuk ke?
mcm mana masa aku bley x cukup ek??
kadangkala kita tidak sedar..
suatu hakikat..
kita kadangkala lebih byk menyibuk..
bukannnya sibuk..

kita suka menyibuk untuk melakukan pelbagai perkara..
yg tidak sepatutnya dilakukan oleh org2 yg sibuk..
kita suka menyibuk untuk berbual-bual kosong..
kita suka menyibuk untuk mengumpat..
kita suka menyibuk untuk membuang masa..
kita suka menyibuk untuk bermain 'game'...
kita suka menyibuk dlm perkara2 yg tidak berkaitan dgn diri kita..
kita mmg suka menyibuk kan???


sedarlah bwh setiap org diberikan Allah s.w.t jumlah masa yg sama..
60 saat 1 minit, 60 minit 1 jam, 24 jam 1 hari, 7 hari 1 minggu...
dan seterusnya..
cukup atau tidak masa itu hanyalah bergantung kpd diri kita sendiri..
bagaimana kita menggunakan masa itu..
bagaimana kita meluangkan masa itu..
bagaimana kita memanfaatkan setiap masa itu..


"Sesungguhnya Allah s.w.t juga telah bersumpah dgn masa... bhwsanya semua manusia berada di dlm kerugian.. kecuali mereka yg melakukan beberapa perkara yg dinyatakan.. di dalam al-quran.."

right here..right now..

i feel lonely..
i feel empty..
deep in my heart..
some strange feeling..
don't know what it is..
don't know why...
should i just abandon it?

right here...
right now..
i felt like i am living alone..
in my nowhere world..
everyone seems so far away..
straying from the place i am standing..
i feel like wanted just to run away..
run away from this 'nothingness'..
feel like wanna do nothing..
(blank)..... -.-
what is happening to me?????

[wanna waste dis weekend just like that..]
[hoping for anything that can cheer me up again..]

(sje try wat dlm bi lak..haha~)

sekian lama...

setelah sekian lama..
aku mengatur langkah..
satu demi satu..
dgn penuh berhati-hati..
seperti meniti di atas duri2..

langkah2 lama yg sama..
ku adaptasikan kembali..
cuma dgn acuan yg sedikit berbeza...
sehinggalah ke hari ini..
baru ku mengerti..
apa yang ku hajati..
agak sukar untuk dicari..
mahupun diberi..
aku seperti bertepuk seorang diri..
dek kerana beberapa perbezaan..
yg begitu ketara sekali..
mungkinkah kali ini..
begitu mustahil sekali???

namun..
aku masih ingin menaruh harapan...
biarpun masih byk lagi liku2 kehidupan..
biarpun sekarang 'ia' tidak kesampaian..
biarpun 'ia' mungkin hanya tinggal sbg kenangan..
biarpun kadangkala aku terkilan..

apa yg aku perlukan sekarang..
hanyalah sekelumit kesabaran..
dibaluti dgn kebenaran..
insyaAllah..

percaturan semula..susunan kata-kata.. mainan minda..

assalamualaikum semua...
sudah begitu lama rasanya..
blog ini kekosongan begitu saja..
tanpa ada apa2..
pengertian mahupun kata2..
mungkin ada yang kecewa..
tidak kurang juga yang hampa..
hanya ampun maaf dapat kupinta..

namun,
jangan sedih jgn kecewa..
aku ku cuba jua..
untuk kembali menyusun kata-kata..
bermadah bicara..
tentang apa jua perkara..
yg bermain-main di minda..
malam ini kan menjadi langkah pertama..
yang akan membawa kpd bicara2 seterusnya..
insyaAllah...